Living Generously

Rev. Julie Stoneberg

Music by The Occasional Singers

It’s time for the annual financial canvass, and like in so many places in your life, you’re being asked to contribute. But here, in religious community, it’s not really about the money. So, what’s generosity all about?

Service will be followed by a light luncheon ($2 suggested) and a presentation from the finance committee about the realities of our budget.

OPENING WORDS - Rev. Ray Drennan
Que vous soyez visiteur, ami ou membre de langue date,

Vous êtes le bienvenu.

Que vous soyez avec votre famille

Ou avec votre conjoint, avec votre amant ou amante ou seul,

Nous vous accueillons avec joie.

Vous êtes le bienvenu ici, que vous soyez croyant ou cherchant,

Que vous partagiez facilement la vie de la groupe

Ou que vous préfériez la solitude.

Vous êtes le bienvenu ici, que vous vous sentiez, ou non, à l’aise chez nous,

Plein d’énergie ou fatigue, cherchant un défi ou le repos.

Tel que vous êtes, vous êtes le bienvenu chez nous.

You are welcome here visitor, friend or long time member.

You are welcome here.

With your family or partner

Or lover or alone

We joyfully welcome you here.

You are welcome here as believer

Or doubter, as joiner or loner.

You are welcome here feeling a part of us or not,

Full of energy or plain tired, seeking a vision or a rest.

You are welcome to join us as you are.

READING from Blessing the World, by Rev. Dr. Rebecca Parker

This reading connects the dots between financial giving to a religious community and what that says about who we are. I know, I said I’d leave it up to you to make the connections. But this reading does it so beautifully. It’s from Rebecca Parker’s book, Blessing the World: What can Save Us Now:

“But there is a deeper, more fundamental spiritual reason to tithe. I realized it listening to a member of the first congregation I served. It was pledge drive Sunday, and people had been asked to talk about why they give to the church. One congregation member stood up and said, “I first began to tithe because I was taught to do so by my church and my church taught me to obey its teachings. I tithed because I saw obedience as the heart of faithfulness. But as I matured in my faith, I began to understand that obedience was not all that important and could even be destructive. I continued to tithe, however, the people I most loved and admired tithed: my parents and leaders of the religious community whose lives really challenged me by their goodness. I wanted to be like them so I tithed in imitation of those that I loved.” He went on, “But as my faith matured further, I came to my own reason for tithing. This is why I do it now: I do it because to tithe is to tell the truth about who I am. If I did not tithe, it would say that I was a person who had nothing to give, a person who had received nothing in life. A person who did not matter to the larger society or whose life’s meaning was in providing for his own needs alone. But in fact, who I am is the opposite of all of these things. I am a person who has something to give. I am a person who has received abundantly from life. I am a person whose presence matters in the world, and I am a person whose life has meaning because I am connected to and care about many things larger than myself. “If I did not tithe, I would lose track of these truths about who I am.”

MESSAGE

How shall we live? Exploring this question will be the focus of many of our services this year. For me, the question has a sense of ‘utopia’ built into it...it seems to ask me to picture the person I want to be, the affects I’d like to have, the world that I want to help to create.

Yesterday, along with Ruth Strunz and Sylvia Payne, I was in Hamilton for a leadership conference. One of the workshops I attended was on Appreciative Inquiry...a model for planning and visioning that is grounded in assets and positive thinking, and I got to thinking that our theme for the year, How shall we live, is an Appreciative Inquiry kind of question. Who do we want to be? What is our best dream for ourselves? Appreciative Inquiry would have us build on the best of our experience to continue to grow toward who we want to be. So, the year will be peppered with possible answers to that query. And, since this is our Canvass Kickoff Sunday, it seemed natural to choose Living Generously as today’s theme. But as Linda said earlier, the service today is NOT about the canvass, but rather about living generously. Living generously, while possible to think of in monetary terms, is about much much more. And yet, I found that I couldn’t quite pin down what that ‘much more’ was.
On the way home last night, Ruth and Sylvia helped me with today’s sermon, and in that conversation, I found that being generous doesn’t always have a positive connotation. Turns out, the concept of generosity is not as easy or universally revered as I’d thought. Ruth and Sylvia raised some important questions...like: What’s the shadow side of generosity...don’t generous people usually burn out from giving too much? Is it generosity if you do it for the recognition, or even for the good feeling? What’s the opposite of generosity? Do you know anyone who is the picture of generosity? What exactly IS generosity? In doing my sermon research, I found all kinds of greeting-card-type sentimentality about generosity. I also found lots of preachy religious material about what’s expected of us as good people. I looked at giving statistics for charities in Canada. But that still didn’t really tell me anything. Why we should be generous? How should we be generous? The first dictionary definition of generosity is “liberality of giving.” Well, here we are, a liberal religious tradition...liberality of giving ought to be right up our alley. We know how to be liberal religiously...what about being liberal in this other way?
Next, the dictionary defines generosity as “being of a noble nature.” A noble person is someone of high moral character. We’re great at being characters....but having high moral character? Does that define who we want to be? You know, the process of looking for a story each Sunday...a book that might provide a jumping off place, something that might illuminate the theme...can be a challenge. On any given Sunday, you might find the detritus from my search strewn on the couch or stacked on the chairs in my office. To find a story about generosity was surprisingly difficult....they were too cute, too simplistic, too preachy. The one I chose, The Quiltmaker’s Gift, didn’t seem quite right either. First of all, it was too long. Second, it contains what I think is a myth about generosity... which is that those who are truly generous must give away all of their earthly belongings. Still, it seemed to contain several of the qualities I wanted to capture...that generosity can’t be purchased, that being generous brings a change in outlook, that generosity is a way of life and being. And, as it happens, it’s about a king...a person who is supposed to be noble, of both rank and character, but who, like us, has some things to learn about being a generous person. Admittedly, this king had quite the motivation to be generous. If he was generous, he would win something that he coveted. If he was generous, a good and beautiful thing would come to him. Is this why we should be generous? For personal gain? Even for personal happiness? I have to say that my favourite moment in the book is where the...“Children cried with delight, and just the smallest of smiles began to show on the king’s face.” You probably saw that moment coming. We all know, or at least suspect, the immense individual and societal benefits of generosity. Somewhere inside we all know that being generous is elemental to our humanity....elemental to the health of our hearts and the planet. We admire those who are generous of spirit, of time, of compassion, of their very lives. We might not be able to exactly name what generosity is, but we know what it looks like, and we know what it feels like when it happens to us. And yet I suspect, at least if you’re anything like me, that generosity doesn’t come all that naturally, at least not all the time. But if it is so beneficial, if it is so beautiful, what stands in the way of us being generous in all that we are and do? I went looking...and I read a couple of books about being generous...both of them pretty recent publications that fall into the ‘self-improvement with a touch of new-age’ genre of literature. Both of them contained stories of generosity ad nauseum. It’s almost as if we need to be convinced that generosity is a good thing. But here’s a piece that touched me. Let me read you a passage from one of those books... Being Generous: The Art of Rightful Living, by Lucinda Vardy and John Dalla Costa. They write: “Already beyond what we know – and what we can even imagine – generosity flows as part of the momentum of the created universe. Every human being surfs on waves of unexpected grace, inheriting creative possibilities that reach further than an individual’s life, and yet are not beyond that person’s capabilities or talents. It does not take a religious perspective to be cognizant of this expansive reality. Nor does it contradict a scientific mindset to appreciate the abundant, wholly unmerited generosity by which every being is born and sustained. Creation may be invisible or taken for granted, yet it is there, precious and indispensible in the air to breathe, the food to eat, the water to drink, and the natural resources to craft shelter and tools for making a living.”[1] An essential need for everyone, generosity flows out as part of the momentum of the created universe. Sounds so easy, so natural, doesn’t it? Flowing... momentum... generosity. We are part of the created universe, and as such, if we open ourselves to it, generosity flows naturally.

Remember a couple of weeks ago, when I introduced this theme, and talked about some resistance to the connotation it contains...that we might need to improve...that trying to be better people seems to imply that we’re not okay how we are? Well, maybe generosity, at least on the level of a way of being, is the opposite of forcing or forming. Maybe generosity has a lot to do with going with the flow of creation....of opening up to possibility and gratitude...of unfolding from a place of integral belonging in that flow.

You see, the last definition of generosity in the dictionary is “large, ample.” Such as having a generous bosom, a generous lap, or being given a generous portion. What if generosity is like that...like being large, or tuned into abundance, or being aware of the size of the cloth of humanity? What if generosity is as simple as choosing to be an active part in the natural give and take of our blessed interconnected web of all that is?

As I said, in trying to understand generosity, I did a lot of reading. Over and over again I’ve read that generosity is an attitude or a way of being that manifests in loving action. Over and over I’ve read that generosity is more than charity, more than giving. It is being a vital, breathing, part of creation, receiving as well as giving, and in that process, sending out vibrations of generosity to all that we touch. All of this points to the fact that reciprocal and widespread generosity is the only way for the world to work in a way that everyone wins, that everyone has what they need, that everyone is cared for.

Maybe it’s not that generosity is so difficult, but that we haven’t learned it. One church’s research concluded that it was neither the cleverness of the church’s appeals, nor the power of the preaching that determined whether or not a person was generous. Instead, the most significant factor was whether the person had been taught generosity as a child.[2] We live in a materialistic culture that contains some pretty anti-generosity messages. We’ve learned that we should be paid for everything we do...if not in money, at least in favours. We often want to know what we’re going to get if we give...what will we get if we give our time, our money, our creativity. But true generosity is the antithesis of this...one of the things that Vardy and Della Costa say in their book is that “Optimists see the glass as half-full. Pessimists see the glass as half-empty. A generous perspective sees the glass as a container for sharing and the water as a gift from life.”[3] Generosity just sees things differently. It sees that the only purpose we have is to be part of the generative, creative force of love in the world. I think this is a perspective and a purpose well worth learning.

In reading a colleague’s canvass sermon on the web, I came across this sentence: “It is out of the stewardship of our largess that our most important values are represented.”[4] Fascinating. The stewardship of our largess. Obviously I’m taking it out of context, but what I love about it is that it suggests that we have to tend to our own largess, our largeness, our generosity of spirit, our liberality in giving and living. When we do that, what’s most important to us benefits and comes shining through. So, when we see and feel the seeds of generosity, let’s nurture them, breathe life into them, give them a chance to grow. When we are affected by ripples of generosity that wash over us...the generosity of friends or the generosity of nature...let’s pay it forward. And, when we begin to lose track of who we really are...when we feel the slightest hint of a stingy withholding reaction...because I know that happens...or at least it happens to me...let’s trust that if we carefully and intentionally turn it over and open it up, whispering sweet assurances and generosities to it, let’s trust that we can change our stinginess into something softer and more expansive. And if we can change our clenched hearts, we can change the world. Surely we can.

So be it.

CLOSING WORDS When the Roses Speak, I Pay Attention – Mary Oliver

This Mary Oliver poem speaks of paying attention to roses, a flower that epitomizes a quality of openness and generosity. As the poem begins, the roses are speaking:

"As long as we are able to
be extravagant we will be
hugely and damply
extravagant. Then we will drop
foil by foil to the ground. This
is our unalterable task, and we do it
joyfully."

And they went on. "Listen
the heart-shackles are not, as you think,
death, illness, pain,
unrequited hope, not loneliness, but

lassitude, rue, vainglory, fear, anxiety,
selfishness."

Their fragrance all the while rising
from their blind bodies, making me
spin with joy. May you spin with joy, always paying attention to the roses, always opening up to the spirit of generosity in your life, until we meet again,

Amen.

[1] Being Generous: The Art of Rightful Living by Lucinda Vardy and John Dalla Costa, p. 27-28

[2] The Power of Generosity: How to transform yourself and your world, by Dave Toycen, p.11

[3] Being Generous: The Art of Rightful Living by Lucinda Vardy and John Dalla Costa, p. 29

The Unitarian Fellowship of Peterborough

READING from Blessing the World, by Rev. Dr. Rebecca Parker

MESSAGE

CLOSING WORDS When the Roses Speak, I Pay Attention – Mary Oliver

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